Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
