"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
