he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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