I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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