WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
