She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
