If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
