when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
