He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
