I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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