i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think your dad took our porno
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
