rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
