your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
