I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
