I'm so fucking centered right now
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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