Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
