$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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