Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
