At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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