No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
