I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
