"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
