Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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