I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
