I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
