Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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