He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
