i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
