cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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