I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
