I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
