I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
