she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
