I cockslap morals
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
