So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
