I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
