guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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