Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
