Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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