and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
