Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
