I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
