Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
