All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
