I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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