There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
