dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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