So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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