ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
