My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
