After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
