okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
