I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
