he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
