I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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