when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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