he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
