Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
