You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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